About Me

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I placed my daughter in an open adoption in 2002. I started this blog in 2004 as a place to journal and eventually I became part of a community. The community has moved on, but I have decided to come back.

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

Book of Essays

Hi guys!  I noticed that some of my old blogging buddies are following me now.  I'm sorry I keep neglecting this blog.  My open adoption isn't going very well.  My personal life is also not going very well.  So it's been hard to get motivated to write.

Anyway, I want to write some essays on adoption and was wondering if any of you had topics to suggest.  I have a few old blog entries that would qualify, but most of my writing here is personal.

There is very little out there for birthmothers.  I've always wanted to do my part to fill that void, and then Amy Seek's book came out, and I got all excited because finally someone was telling it like it is, but it turned out that people who weren't birthmothers still weren't enlightened.  She got a backlash of negativity.

I don't need to change anyone's mind.  I just want to talk about adoption related issues from the birthmother perspective.

And just this second I noticed it's November so it's NaNoWriMo (do I have that right? It's been awhile.).  I'm a day late, but I'll give you a 12% likelihood that I'll write a post a day this month.  Topic suggestions welcome.

So essay topics and blog topics.  Feel free to make the blog topics personal if you're curious about how things are going in my corner of the adoption world.  And to those of you who knew me when, thanks for coming back.  And to those of you who are new, welcome.  I brought this blog back out intending to use it again so I'll try to do that.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

I love you

Ever since I found out that my daughter didn't like it when I asked her questions, I only send texts telling her to have a good week or some similar statement requiring no response.  I always say "I love you."  She used to say "you too".  Now I usually don't even get a response, and if I do, it's "thanks."  I'm tired of being told it's her age.

On the plus side, she seems to respond when I text old pictures.  Next time I'm home, I'll put more on my phone.

Sunday, September 04, 2016


Today is my daughter's birthday.

The guy I'm dating, who used to be a good support, no longer gets it.  And even if he did, his kids will be here all day.

So I'm going to go home and be alone and that is hard.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Thank You For Picking Me

I texted her last night.  A visit with her showed up in my facebook memories so I sent the picture.  She responded quickly with a picture of her at my wedding and a message that she ran across that one the other day.  I texted back that I loved having her as my flower girl and sent a picture of us together at my wedding.  She said "Thank you for picking me."  I didn't respond right away because I was looking for a picture of the two of us plus my sister at the wedding.  It's one of my favorites.  I responded with the picture and said it was an honor.  But I took too long.  She didn't text back.  It was probably too late her time, and I haven't heard from her today.

Her birthday is this week so I printed the postage for her package today.  When I find the right words for the card, I'll pack it all up and send it out.

Thursday, August 25, 2016


When you're at a professional event with a group of women and the conversation is all about birth and children but you don't acknowledge that you have a child.
I hate these days.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Losing Friends

There were a few people who were really there for me when I was pregnant. Two girls from college were particularly supportive. Then my daughter was born and it was over.
People don't want to be around you anymore when you give away your baby.
I miss them dearly.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

On This Day

Two years ago, she was visiting me.  I know because the facebook memories are telling me.  I decided to text her and saw that it has been over a week since I did.  I just don't know what to say to her, and the rejection hurts.  I've started my letter in my head.

Every Christmas since I moved, I've made her a picture book of our visits for that year. After our April visit, I texted her about it.  I don't have enough pictures for a book so I wanted to know if there was something she wanted me to make.  She never responded to that text.  I think I'm going to make a book like her lifebook, possibly with some excerpts from this blog.  Somehow, I need to reconnect with her.