I got an email from my daughter's birthfather yesterday morning. It caught me by surprise. I haven't heard from him since the month after my daughter was born.
He actually got rid of every email account he had and didn't respond to any of the letters I sent. (Recap: My daughter's birthfather is a citizen of another country.) I didn't think I'd ever hear from him.
He doesn't know that our daughter was placed for adoption. He knew that was what I planned to do. He met my daughter's parents and my social worker during his only visit to our country. I never wavered, but I know he doesn't know.
He didn't tell his family I was pregnant until I found out I was having a girl. His visit was before this. When they found out that I was having a girl, he was no longer supportive of my plan to place her. He didn't want to raise her; he wanted to give the baby to his sister who had suffered a miscarriage a couple months prior. While I wasn't thrilled about sending my baby off to grow up in another country, I told him okay but that I would like to fly out there and discuss it with his sister and him. I got the run around.
We argued a lot in those final months. He accused me of wanting money. I refused to fly out there to give birth. My sister was also pressuring me to give the baby to her. I told him that I was uncomfortable with her leaving the country. Eventually he told me to do whatever I wanted and to leave him alone.
I met with my social workers and several lawyers. My social worker contacted him with step-by-step instructions for how to claim our daughter after her birth. Initially he said he would come get her in November. After that we didn't hear from him. No word of his intentions, no idea about travel plans, no word on where he would like the baby to be in between birth and his arrival.
In the last days of my pregnancy, I met with a lawyer in another state. Her birthfather could still claim her, but if he didn't come we wouldn't have to deal with the six months of paperwork before she could be relinquished. I was terrified, but I wanted my daughter to go home right away. I couldn't take her home with me waiting to see if he showed up though I did have enough supplies to take her home for the first few weeks.
I emailed him a week after she was born and sent a picture. We spoke on the phone once in October. He never again mentioned coming for her and I was too distraught to talk to him much beyond saying that we were both healthy. I've sent him pictures since then, but have never heard anything from him.
Obviously I need to tell him that she was adopted by the couple he met. I feel less nervous about it now then I ever have. I hope he stays in touch. I'm proud of my daughter's heritage and really hope he appreciates how much her adoptive family and I want her to know him.
Hoping for the best I suppose. I guess this is the second Christmas surprise he has given me. He's quite the gift-giver.