About Me

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I placed my daughter in an open adoption in 2002. I started this blog in 2004 as a place to journal and eventually I became part of a community. The community has moved on, but I have decided to come back.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

This Is Why I'm Silent

Sometimes I want to be more open about my birthmotherhood.

Then I read stuff like this and all the "Well said!" remarks to follow and start to feel like it's not worth it.

Last time I checked, adoption involved children. Yes, folks, real live humans who are counting on us to nurture them. You'd never know from reading what the adults on that blog have to say.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Good Blog

I rediscovered this blog in my bookmarks today. It's kept up by an adoptive mother who has two children in open adoption. She keeps up with adoption news and talks about all kinds of adoption stuff.

Monday, July 25, 2005

There's Nothing Lucky About Adoption

I'm tired of being told how lucky I am.

Nobody is saying it to be rude- they're just clueless. It makes us all cringe.

My daughter and I are not lucky to have been separated at birth.

Sometimes I want to reply that her parents are lucky to be raising my child, but there is nothing lucky about not being able to have children.

The fact that she has great parents is due in part to good planning by me and for many other birthmoms is helped by the fact that there are more of them than us.

Yes, I feel lucky sometimes, but I really hate it when people sum up our relationship in "You're so lucky."

Yes, I see my daughter. It doesn't make me lucky. It's what we feel is best for the child we love.

I'm not lucky. A crisis pregnancy during which I decided I wasn't the best person to parent my child doesn't really seem like luck to me.

Yes, I'm grateful that I have a good relationship with my daughter and her family. Luck has nothing to do with it. We make a conscious effort to treat each other with kindness and respect.

Please, stop telling me I'm lucky. Change it to "That's really nice." Then, maybe I can agree with you.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Lifebook: Take 2

I brought the Lifebook I made to the Lifegiver's Festival. I really wanted some other opinions about it's appropriateness.

I'm happy to say it got rave reviews. I feel much better about it.

One of the problems with adoption books for children is that many of them make everything about adoption so happy, happy (aside from the obvious problem that most aren't meant for children in open adoption). It isn't happy, happy and these books tend to disregard the child's own feelings and confuse them about how their birthparents could love them but still be happy about leaving them.

So anyway, the lifebook I made does mention how sad the decision was.

I made a new one yesterday to take care of a few typos and an abrupt ending. When I get it, I'll send it to her mom to see what she thinks. I hope she's okay with it.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

I'm home

It was a wonderful weekend. I'm very glad I went.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Phones and Planes

I have an upset stomach today. I'm leaving in a few minutes for the conference. Besides the obvious issues of facing the grief head on and thinking about my daughter, I get really nervous about meeting new people. I'll feel better when I'm there I hope.

My daughter called last night. It was a nice way to start the weekend. She wanted to know where my Mommy and Daddy were. We didn't talk too long because I was on my way in to a birthday dinner for my fiance.

Anyway, I hope the stomachache goes away. I'll be back soon.