About Me

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I placed my daughter in an open adoption in 2002. I started this blog in 2004 as a place to journal and eventually I became part of a community. The community has moved on, but I have decided to come back.

Monday, May 29, 2006

You Were There Too

So I didn't go to my daughter's house.

I drove to my sister's and felt really awful when I got there. She's moving and was having a yard sale so I helped her get everything ready and helped out the next day. We could have gone after the yard sale, but I really wasn't feeling up to another long drive and the socializing that comes with a party.

It was a strange decision to make.

I talked to my daughter tonight. First of all, she was so polite and sweet. Her conversational skills are way better than mine.

The weird thing is that she insisted that I was at the party. She said it more than once. I corrected her at first, but she still named me as there. I think I need the psychologist for that one.

In other news, I finished The Girls Who Went Away. More on that another day.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Illness and the Weekend

My daughter's family is having a party this weekend and I've been really excited about going. My sister is moving so this weekend would be my last chance to see her before the move and a good chance to see my daughter.

I started feeling sick last week and finally stayed home Tuesday to see a doctor. I wanted to make sure it was nothing serious before the weekend. I thought it was strep because it started with a sore throat, but by Tuesday I had a cough and had lost my voice so I thought maybe it was just a bad cold.

I made an appointment just in case. They couldn't see me until yesterday so I reluctantly stayed home a second day. I really thought it's either be nothing or I'd get medicine and be back at work today.

Turns out I have pneumonia. So my doctor said I have to stay home for at least a week.

As for the weekend, I'm not sure what to do. Right now I'm waiting to see how I feel and hoping for the best.

I emailed my daughter's mom and they called tonight. It was nice and she made sure to tell me not to push it. My daughter was very curious about how I got sick which I found very hard to explain. She just got over a cold so she related it to that.

I just got The Girls Who Went Away so I was reading that when they called. My daughter asked if I was playing a game and I told her I was reading a book. She wanted to know if it was a baby book- like the one I made her.

When I got off the phone she was busy looking at baby pictures.

I'm probably going to go this weekend.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Did You Know?

Mommies and Daddies and Grandpas and Grandmas and even birthmothers can take kids to swim class.

The sweet sound of my daughter's voice. It makes a very difficult weekend a lot better.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Another Mother's Day

I was pretty emotional all week.

Stomach in knots. Randomly teary eyes.

But now that it's the weekend, I feel okay.

And I got flowers.

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

My Daughter Visits My Mother

Quick fill-in for anyone who doesn't know or doesn't remember:

My mom opposed my adoption decision- so much so that I didn't tell her where I was giving birth. I gave in when my daughter was born and my mom came to the hospital. My mother lives out of state and that was the last time she visited my area. My daughter will be four in September.

My daughter and her family are on vacation in my mom's state and my daughter's mom arranged a visit with my mom for today.

My mom, my stepfather, and my grandparents all went.

My mom just called and the visit was a success. My daughter didn't want them to go home at the end of the night and they all had fun and my mom said she was smart and well behaved and my memere (grandmother) said my daughter has a contagious laugh.

Right now my daughter is working out all the family relationships so she was figuring out who all these people were. She called everyone Memere and Pepere and Grandpa (for my stepdad).

I'm so glad it went well. I'm so glad my grandparents got to meet her. I'm so thankful that my daughter's family arranged this visit. I can't wait to see pictures.

I just had to share. Tonight meant so much to me.

Wraith: Thanks for the well wishes. I'm not sure what happened, I'm just so glad the visit worked out.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Called Mom

No word on tomorrow. They said they'd call but haven't. Kind thoughts would be appreciated.

Update and Still Telling

I posted a long-winded update on my non-adoption blog.

Tomorrow my daughter visits my mother.

I should call tonight because I know my mom's nervous.

Telling has been a theme for me lately.

I had dinner with an old friend. I wasn't sure if she knew about my daughter. She did, just not details. We were best friends in junior high. I moved and we attended different high schools. We've kept in touch off and on. She's one of those friends that it is easy to reconnect with, but really we don't know each other as adults. It was strange to talk about my daughter. There is so much back story. I wonder if I will ever feel like anyone but those five or so people that were around during my pregnancy will truly get it or truly know me.

It's strange but I feel that need to stay connected to the folks who were there before, during, and after, as if I will lose a part of myself without them.

My homeroom students were asking me about having and wanting children. I tried to be honest without telling. It wasn't easy. It didn't feel good. Lately, I find myself wishing people would google me. Then they'd know and I'd be spared the awkwardness of telling.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Face Recognition

I subscribe to some email lists. One of them had a link to a website that compares your photo to celebrity photos to say who you look the most like.

I played around with it- first with pictures of me, then my fiance, and then my daughter.

I checked out the samples and noticed you could use pictures with multiple people and it would match all of them. I used a picture of my sister and I with my niece and nephew. Aside from matching lots of Asians, nothing exciting came up.

So I put in a picture of my daughter and I. When I put us in separately, nothing exciting came up (though I'm quite happy to report that Evangeline Lilly comes up a lot for me).

I waited for our results and then, wow....the top celebrity for both of us matched- Anna Popplewell. It was sort of strange to get this odd confirmation that we look alike. Never mind that none of our other celebrity matches were the same, it was odd to have the first match staring back at me like that.

Anyway, it's fun to play with, so here's a link. It does require free registration.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Quick Note

I do have some things to write- I just haven't been in a blogging mood.

I had dinner with a junior high friend today so I'd like to write about that.

In bigger news, my daughter is visiting with my mom next week. My mom hasn't seen her since the hospital. My grandparents are going also and will be seeing her for the first time.

Nerve-wracking, exciting, etc.

My daughter's family will be in Florida where my mom lives. I think it's great that they're including a visit with her while they're there.