About Me

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I placed my daughter in an open adoption in 2002. I started this blog in 2004 as a place to journal and eventually I became part of a community. The community has moved on, but I have decided to come back.

Thursday, October 25, 2007


We're moving today.

That's why I haven't been around.

I hate moving.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

An update

After a decent posting run, I've been absent again.

My beau and I are moving into a beautiful new apartment next week so I probably still won't be posting much.

My current class is an enormous amount of work so that will also be keeping me busy.

I'm feeling a bit more normal. I really liked my new counselor, and the excitement about moving is definitely improving my mood.

In the meantime, Redbook has a really respectful article about adoption in their November issue. It actually lists openness as a benefit in domestic adoption. I know that I was pretty impressed when I read it.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

My Little One

I just wanted to say that I chatted with my daughter last night.

September was rough, and October offered no relief.

I'm back on meds and will be starting therapy this week.

In the meantime, I hadn't called. I kept wanting to, but mostly I was just pushing it away.

They called yesterday. I did make sure to apologize to her mom for not being in touch and to thank her for calling.

My daughter was pretty chatty- mostly about school. It doesn't sound like she still loves it, but it was fun to hear her stories. She sounds so grown up.

These days, she is full of stories that I find hard to follow and everything has to be exact. She still tries to show me things on the phone. I love the way she wants me to see and hear everything.

Her dad is going away on his yearly trip, so my daughter said that I would need to watch her.

I wish.

In completely unrelated news, my beau and I are moving in a couple of weeks. We fell in love with a place this weekend and found out today that it's ours. Yippee!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Doctors and Pregnancy News

I'm about a third of the way through How Doctors Think, and it's made me reflect a lot on my experiences with doctors.
I hate going to the doctor. Part of it is because we were raised to plow through illnesses, but a lot of it is because I never feel like they take me seriously.
Because of this, I spent most of my early twenties without a regular doctor. Rather than getting regular exams, I'd go into the local walk-in whenever I thought I was sick.
I've written about the walk-in doctor before. He was awesome. During the entire first chapter of the book, I thought of him and how good he was. In a city walk-in, you wouldn't expect the doctors to have a great bedside manner. They are busy and I imagine they handle a whole spectrum of complaints from the why-are-you-here to the get-to-the-emergency-room.
I went in for a mixture of complaints. Sometimes, he couldn't find anything wrong. Other times, he asked why I'd waited so long. He always treated me with kindness. He always took me seriously.
I got pregnant during this period of my life.
I waited until a Friday to go to the walk-in. I knew in my gut that I was pregnant and I didn't want to have to go to work the next day.
I saw that same doctor and he gave me the news. I've already written about that experience.
So what did I do when I left?
I went back to my apartment and called an on-again, off-again friend.
I cried a lot.
Then I put on the smallest jeans I owned, topped it off with a nice shirt, and headed out to karaoke at a place I'd never been to.
For that night, I pretended it wasn't happening to me. Sure, it was in my mind the whole time, but I listened to my friends drama and flirted with guys as if it were just another night.
My last night of being a normal girl in her twenties.