About Me

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I placed my daughter in an open adoption in 2002. I started this blog in 2004 as a place to journal and eventually I became part of a community. The community has moved on, but I have decided to come back.

Monday, December 29, 2008

More Visiting Difficulty

So I was invited to spend Christmas with them this year. My fiance and I wanted to spend it at home so I declined. The problem is that the only other time they offered was during the week with me babysitting during the day.

I just can't do it.

I made arrangements to drive out there today with babysitting tomorrow, but I've been in tears since I woke up. The thought of babysitting is throwing me into anxiety mode.

I called my fiance to come with me instead. It means another day off for him after he took last week to spend with me, but it's either that or make up some excuse about why I can't go. I don't think I'd get through the ride without an anxiety attack. Hopefully they won't be upset about our late arrival tonight.

I wish I knew what to do. I know she needs to see me. She;s in a stage right now where I'm very important. All she wants to talk about when we call is when I'm coming again. Whenever I say I can't come that day she comes up with all these ways for me to do it. I know I can't let her down-that I'm the adult in this, but I'm no good to her if I'm not functioning. There has to be a happy medium.

My fiance and I are planning to move across the country next summer. I used to say I'd never leave because it would take me away from my daughter, but now I can't wait to go so that my visits will be limited.

Edit: Going on Thursday instead so her folks will be there too.